How to frustrate a genius
by CeeCee333
Summary: Penelope blames Spencer for something he didn't do. Spencer tries to correct her thinking, but Penelope will hear none of it. Written for the CCOAC The Strangeness of September Challenge. Pairing Reid/Garcia. Please read and review! Will be making it longer than a one shot.
1. Chapter 1

_**Written for CCOAC September Challenge**_

_**Pairing: Reid/Garcia**_

_**Holiday: Blame Someone Else Day**_

_**I don't own a thing, just my odd ideas.**_

Spencer Reid looked at Penelope Garcia in utter confusion.

Spencer jammed his hands into his favorite khaki pants and said, "Garcia how is it possible that it is my fault Morgan got you pregnant?"

Garcia rolled her eyes and said, "Trust me boy wonder it is indeed your fault."

Spencer's eyebrows knitted in confusion as he tried to make sense of Penelope Garcia's most ridiculous statement to date, which for the colorful technical genius, was really saying something.

Spencer tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and asked, "Please explain this to me?"

Penelope sat across from Spencer, not paying attention to his facial expressions, because if she had, surely she would have burst out laughing.

Penelope fiddled with the remote control making sure the photos were loading on the screen so she could start the briefing when the rest of the BAU members arrived.

Penelope said, "Spencer it was you who insisted we go to dinner about nine weeks ago am I correct?"

Spencer sat up a little straighter hoping he would get some insight into this woman's insane logic.

Spencer said, "Well sure, but we do things like that all the time."

Penelope was shuffling through a stack of folders when she said, "It was also you, my wonderful gray heap of matter that said we should go out for a drink."

Spencer nodded in the affirmative, but then said, "How does me suggesting that we get a drink, with a heavy emphasis on _a_, meaning one drink, result in you and Morgan fornicating?"

Penelope looked at Reid and said, "Spencer you were the catalyst."

Spencer huffed and said, "I still don't understand. I made two simple suggestions; in no way shape or form am I the reason why within a nine month gestation period you will be having a child with your best friend."

Penelope stood up slowly, ignoring Spencer's protests and said, "So you Dr. Spencer Reid are entirely at fault for this."

Spencer opened his mouth to rebuttal when he saw Agent Morgan walk into the conference room.

Derek tossed Spencer a stack of papers and said, "You need to sign these pretty boy."

Spencer quickly scanned the pages and said, "I will most certainly not pay either of you child support."

Derek said, "Since it is your fault that technical analyst Garcia is pregnant, I think you should pay up."

Spencer threw his hands up in the air and said, "This is ludicrous. I am not paying for something that isn't my fault."

Derek folded his arms across his chest and said, "So it wasn't you that suggested I dance with Garcia?"

Spencer said, "Y...Yes. I suppose I did encourage you to dance with Penelope. But I didn't tell you to have coitus with her. I figured you would leave with someone else."

Garcia whipped her head away from the large monitor mounted on the wall. She placed her hands on her hips and asked, "Spencer you don't think I am good enough for agent Morgan?"

Spencer replied, "N...No that…that is not what I meant."

Derek narrowed his eyes and asked, "So you are saying I am not good enough for Garcia?"

Spencer sighed. At that moment he wished he would have stayed in bed. His two friends were now taking everything he said, the wrong way.

Spencer said, "Now you guys are putting words in my mouth. What I meant was." Spencer took a deep breath, and hoped he wasn't sticking his foot in his mouth any further.

Spencer stated again, "What I meant was, how was I suppose to know that, approximately nine weeks ago, you Derek Morgan would pull your head out of your ass and make a move on Garcia?"

Derek and Penelope stood in stunned silence. Spencer sat down with a smug grin on his face. He took a sip of his sugar with a little bit of coffee in it. He would have shaken his fist in victory, if he knew what the hell just happened.

Penelope broke the silence first by saying, "Doesn't matter what you thought. Me being pregnant is in fact your fault. Just deal with it."

Spencer dropped his head on the table. He groaned not in pain, but in sheer frustration. Spencer was never one to back down from a verbal sparring, but with Morgan and Garcia coming after him, he would rather just stay quiet.

Hotch strolled in the room and said, "Good morning everyone. The rest of the team will be in soon."

Hotch looked over in Spencer's direction and asked, "What did you two do to him?"

Penelope gasped in mock indignation. Then she asked, "What makes you think we did anything to him? I was simply explaining to the good doctor that it is his entire fault that I am pregnant."

Spencer lifted his head to watch Hotch's reaction. Spencer smiled inwardly knowing Hotch would find this whole thing idiotic.

Hotch shrugged and asked, "Garcia are you sure about that?"

Penelope smiled and said, "Yes sir. Spencer Reid is absolutely the reason that Derek and I are having a baby."

Spencer thought with that small amount of clarity, Hotch would knock some sense into the both of them."

Instead Hotch said, "Fine. Reid I hope you are prepared to take care of your responsibilities in this."

Spencer looked around and asked, "Come on guys this isn't funny. Where are the hidden cameras?"

Penelope said, "No hidden cameras, just the truth. You are just as responsible, if not more so, for me being pregnant. I hope you are prepared to help raise this baby."

Spencer scoffed and said, "I will not."

Penelope said, "If you do that, then how will this baby know you are the reason for its existence?"

Reid growled in frustration. He snatched a case file from the middle of the table and began reading it.

Next Rossi and JJ walked in.

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief. Surely JJ would see how moronic this whole thing was.

Spencer's face fell when he heard JJ say, "Rossi I am telling you, it is Spencer's fault that she is pregnant."

Agent Prentiss was the last to show up. She hurried to place her things down, and grab the last available chair.

Prentiss asked, "So what'd I miss?"

Penelope smiled and said, "It is Spencer's fault that I am pregnant."

Prentiss said, "Well okay then. Do we have a case?"

Spencer exploded.

"Emily what in the hell do you mean, well okay then? No okay then. There is in no way, that Penelope being pregnant is my doing."

Emily shot back, "Of course it is."

Spencer said, "You people are trying to drive me crazy, haven't I suffered enough?"

Rossi said, "Son you aren't suffering. We're celebrating."

Spencer loudly said, "Huh?"

Penelope reached into her large hobo bag, and produced cupcakes.

Penelope clapped and said, "Happy Blame Someone Else Day."

Spencer stayed quiet.

Penelope ruffled Spencer's hair and said, "Spencer I'm sorry, but you were such an easy target."

Morgan grinned and said, "Reid next time you give someone dating advice, make sure they haven't already been dating said woman for more than six months."

Spencer in disbelief said, "Six months?!"

Everyone ignored Spencer's obvious ignorance.

Penelope presented the case to the team.

Hotch closed the brown folder in front of him and said, "Wheels up in 40."

The team busied themselves with packing briefcases, stacking files, grabbing their tablets, and speculating about the Unsub.

Each member left one by one, until it was only Penelope, Derek, and Spencer left.

Spencer rooted around in his messenger back. He plopped down a yellow ticket in front of Morgan and said, "You owe me 200 bucks for this parking ticket."

Derek chuckled and said, "I ain't payin that."

Spencer firmly said, "You can, and you will."

Derek sighed and said, "Yeah whatever."

Derek handed Penelope his credit card, and said, "Baby pay it online for me."

Penelope smiled and said, "Sure thing sweet cheeks."

The three of them walked out of the conference room and into the bull pen.

Hotch was explaining to Prentiss why it was her fault that Jack stayed up late even though she was nowhere near Aaron's apartment that night. JJ was explaining to Rossi how it was his fault Henry won't eat his peas.

Erin Strauss walked out of her office and loudly asked, "What in the hell is going on down there?"

She rubbed her temples and said, "You people are going to drive me to drink."

Derek yelled, "Party in Strauss' office."

Erin narrowed her eyes and said, "Agent Morgan."

Derek looked up and said, "Yes ma'am."

Erin coldly said "Run."

Derek turned to run, but decided he would take advantage of the holiday. He quickly walked to Rossi and said, "Tag. You're it."

Rossi took one look at Strauss and hauled ass out of the F.B.I building, to the airstrip to wait on the rest of his team.

Rossi leaned against the SUV stomping on cans and tossing them into a nearby recycling bin, while biting into a blueberry Popsicle.

He tried to figure out what he was going to do for Fight Procrastination Day. Whatever it was would just have to wait.

FIN.

I hoped you liked it.

As always read and review!

Thanks to evgrrl09 for reading this for me.


	2. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Penelope

_I still own nothing, including the song Eye of the Tiger, and chicken tenders._

Penelope looked at her calendar on her iPad and snorted. How ironic was this day, on this obscure calendar app that listed unusual holidays, and so very appropriate.

A few moments ago Penelope called her best friend and told him to come over to her place.

Morgan who is always excited to oblige his baby girl, quickly agreed, and even said he would bring breakfast.

The word breakfast made Penelope's stomach roll.

She swallowed hard, and concentrated on not throwing up. She wanted to have her wits about her when she talked to Derek.

A part of Penelope knew she was being overly dramatic, but it wasn't every day you told your best friend, who in fairness to Penelope, proclaimed that he wasn't ready for children and that he would stick to practising.

Penelope chuckled to herself. If anyone knew Derek Morgan it was her. Derek once a long time ago also said he didn't do relationships either, but here he was nearly six months in a successful relationship with Penelope and the mocha profiler couldn't have been happier.

Penelope needed something to take the edge off. She saw a bottle of her favorite luscious red wine. She quickly shook her head.

Penelope grimly thought, "No booze for this tech queen for a year."

Penelope shrugged and thought of all the fun gift baskets she could make with the uncorked bottles of wine. Maybe she would give Emily the unopened bottle of Jack.

Penelope sat with her fingers absent mindedly tapping the coffee table.

She unconsciously shifted her fingers to her laptop's keyboard.

She found herself researching the day.

What better way to tell someone you are pregnant by celebrating, "Be Late For Something Day."

Penelope sarcastically thought, Yeah I'm late alright."

Penelope checked the time on her iPad.

Penelope muttered, "How fitting. He is already five minutes late."

Penelope wanted him to hurry the hell up and get to her apartment, so she could get it over with.

Derek finally knocked on the door twenty minutes later.

By this time Penelope was a little miffed. Derek was one of the most punctual people she knew.

Penelope opened the door for Derek who was grinning.

Derek said, "Sorry baby I'm late but I had a good reason."

Penelope quipped, "Oh yeah what is that?"

Derek said, "Sweetness don't be like that. It's National Be Late for Something Day."

Penelope felt a laugh bubble forth from her throat.

Derek chuckled and said, "Well I didn't think you would be that amused."

Penelope looked at Derek and laughed even harder.

Penelope through gulps of air said, "Hot stuff you have no idea."

Derek quirked an eyebrow but said nothing.

Penelope said, "Come on I'll get plates, you get glasses."

Derek tapped the six pack of beer on top of the pizza box and said, "No need. We can drink out of the can."

Penelope quickly skirted the issue by saying, "Sugar shack I don't really feel like drinking right now."

Derek whined, "Garcia don't leave me hangin."

Penelope firmly said, "Not right now."

Derek placed the pizza and beer down and said, "Okay, okay."

The both busied themselves piling slices of thin crust pizza on their plates. Penelope grabbed herself a bottle of water. They settled down, and sat in silence for a few moments.

Derek asked, "Baby girl. Is everything alright?"

Penelope didn't realize she was tapping her foot rapidly. Derek knew that was her tell, when she was nervous.

Penelope said, "Oh ahh, everything is fine. Hey you wanna watch a movie?"

Derek tilted his head at Penelope as if just staring at her, the answer to her nervousness would come to him.

Derek took a swig of beer and said, "Sure. Whatever you want."

Penelope flipped through the channels. She stopped when she saw that the E! channel was showing the movie Groundhog day.

Derek chuckled and said, "I wouldn't mind being a little late to work every day."

Penelope smiled and said, "Tell me about it. I would love a little extra snuggle time with you in the morning."

Derek sighed and said, "Such is life. Anyway princess how are you celebrating Be Late For Something Day?"

Penelope put her slice of pizza down. She dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin and said, "It's funny you should say that. Derek I'm late."

Derek's forehead lowered, and his eyebrows knitted in sheer confusion.

Derek asked, "P what are you talking about?"

Penelope said a little slower, "Derek...I'm...Late…"

Derek grunted out, "Huh?" What are you late for, and how late are we talking?"

Penelope said, "My Aunt Flow is late too."

Derek said, "I'm sorry I didn't know you had an Aunt Flo. When were you supposed to meet her?"

Penelope mustard all her courage and said, "About seven weeks ago."

Derek said, "Seven weeks ago. Aren't you a little concerned?"

Penelope flatly said, "Yeah you could say that."

Derek asked, "Have you tried looking for her? I mean How old is this woman?"

Penelope couldn't take it anymore. Penelope felt a giggle come wildly out of her mouth.

She clamped her hand over her mouth. Derek looked so concerned. Given the nature of what she was about to tell him, and the fact that she was nervous as hell, she couldn't control the laughter anymore. Her shoulders shook, and her belly ached.

Derek thought the woman in front of him had gone hysterical. He didn't think she was so far gone that she needed to be slapped, maybe just a quick shake, but Derek Morgan didn't believe in placing his hands on a woman, but Penelope Garcia was scaring the shit out of him.

Derek placed his hands firmly on Penelope's shoulders to stop her shaking.

Derek said, "Baby you need to tell me what is wrong with you."

Penelope gasped for air and said, "Derek I told you Aunt Flow and I are late for a meeting."

Derek said, "Why do you keep mentioning this mysterious Aunt Flo…"

Derek stopped and remembered his sister Sara being grouchy when he was a small boy, and his mother would say blame Aunt Flow.

Derek turned to face away from Penelope to school his features. Penelope who was still sitting slipped her hand into Derek's and quietly said, "We need to talk."

Derek took a deep breath and sat down. He picked his slice of pizza up and took a big bite.

Derek swallowed the food and said, "You normally go all out of special days and holidays why should I have expected this to be any different."

Penelope said, "Derek I didn't do this on purpose. I…"

Derek placed a finger on Penelope's lips and said, "Hush that motor mouth. I love you, you love me, and now we are having a baby. Can we please get your shit packed up before National Fight Procrastination Day?"

Penelope beamed and said, "Anything you want love bug."

Derek said, "Good."

Penelope looked at the clock and asked, "Derek why in the hell are we eating pizza at 11 in the morning?"

Derek chuckled and said, "Because it's also Better Breakfast Month, and the crap they try and pass for food in the break room is going to kill somebody one day."

Penelope shrugged as if that was the most natural answer in the world.

Derek's phone rang shrilly out in the room.

Derek flipped it open and said, "Morgan."

After a short pause Derek loudly exclaimed, "You did what?!"

After a few more moments Derek said, "Alright I'll be there."

Derek sighed and said, "Baby I need to get down to the BAU."

Penelope asked, "Why?"

Derek said, "Rossi let chickens loose in Strauss' office."

Penelope shook her head and asked, "Why would he do that?"

Derek sighed and said, "Baby it's also National Chicken Month."

Penelope started kicking off her heels.

Penelope said, "You know Derek, I don't know why he didn't just order a million chicken wings and have them delivered to her office."

Derek cleared his throat. His voice squeaked a little when he said, "Yeah that seems like a good idea baby girl."

Penelope stopped all movement and asked, "Derek Morgan what did you do?"

Derek sighed and said, "The reason why I need to get down there is to stop the live chickens from eating the chicken tenders I had ordered on Strauss' behalf."

Penelope smacked Derek on the arm and said, "As a vegetarian I am disgusted."

Derek chuckled and said, "As a meat eater I'm fairly disgusted by cannibalism myself."

Derek shook his head at the silliness of the situation as they both laughed at Rossi's predicament.

Penelope slipped her cardigan sweater off, and Derek was pulling his jacket on.

Derek asked, "Baby it's a little chilly outside, you might want to put that back on."

Penelope shrugged while walking towards the bedroom She looked over her shoulder at Derek and said, "Derek I still do believe it is Be Late For Something Day."

Derek tore his jacket off and followed Penelope.

While unbuttoning his shirt he said, "Rossi lasted this long without us a few more minutes won't kill him.

Rossi stared at his phone. It had been the third time in 20 minutes he had tried to call Morgan.

Rossi had the sleeves of his expensive Italian silk dress shirt rolled up. He was still trying to catch the chickens he earlier that day let go in Erin's office.

The only thing stopping Rossi from killing Morgan was the look on Strauss' face when she opened her office door to find two live chickens and countless Styrofoam containers of chicken tenders strewn throughout the room.

Strauss shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Rossi said, "Come on now Erin, I am sure whoever did this, had the best intentions."

Strauss scoffed and said, "Rossi if you do not get my office cleaned up within the next hour, _you _will be spending Make your Bed Day all alone."

Rossi sighed and for the better part of an hour felt like he was stuck on a blooper reel from a Rocky movie.

It didn't help that every once in a while Hotch would walk by and whistle Eye of the Tiger.

Finally Rossi got Strauss' office in order, to her specifications.

Derek was walking through the bullpen when he spotted Rossi, who look agitated and flustered.

Rossi shouted," Where the hell have you been?

Derek replied, "Didn't you know it was Be Late for Something Day?"

Rossi said, "No, but I am about to celebrate my _favorite_ Holiday."

Derek took a step back and asked, "What day is that?"

Rossi rolled his sleeves up further and said, "Beat the hell out of a co-worker day."

Rossi laughed as he watched Morgan quickly walk out of the building."

Strauss walked up next to Rossi and said, "You know we really should teach that young man a lesson."

Rossi asked, "And how do you think we should do that?"

Strauss said, "Well it is National Honey Month."

Rossi said, "Yeah so."

Erin said, "Dave what if I told you, I could get my hands on insanely large amounts of honey."

Rossi raised and eyebrow but motioned for Erin to continue.

Erin then asked, "Doesn't Agent Morgan have a swimming pool?"

Rossi sneered evilly and asked, "Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

Erin turned on her heels and said, "You'll see."

With that Rossi pulled his jacket on and picked the carrier holding the chickens, who at this point were squawking out of control.

Rossi looked inside the portable cage and said, "Alright boys time to get you home."

Rossi whistled on his way out of the BAU hoping Derek didn't have a bee problem in his backyard.

_Fin._

_**As always read and review!**_


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